Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Disastrous Day

So today was not a good day at all, my sleep has been screwy for a little while now because work has been bouncing me all over the place, from opening to closing and back again.  Well last night I forgot on of my medications, which was not good.  I could not get to sleep, at like 2:30 I finally took a couple of ibuprofen PM's and finally got to sleep around 3:30 and was fitfully away around 5:00 and fully awake by 6:00 so I only got about 3 hours of sleep.  Which did me in, I started my day with anxiety through the roof.  I really should have just called into work, but I did not want to because I did not want to lose the hours and risk losing insurance coverage for the up coming month. So I went to work, and that did not turn out well at all as my anxiety did not go away and only got worse, and then on top of that I went from feeling I could do it and that things would turn out OK in the end, to starting to be really down and depressed, which only made things worse.  So about an hour and a half into my day I finally asked to go home early as I was doing so poorly.  My manager was not happy with that and wanted to know if I had something I could take for it, which I don't, and honestly the last thing I want is to have another pill added to what I already take. And then guilt tripped me about leaving.  Which did not help things at all, as it only made me feel even shittier, for needing to leave early.

I got home and immediately climbed into bed and sort of hugged my legs up into my chest and sat that way for a while, going through Facebook trying to distract myself from how I was feeling, and did that for a while before I curled up under my blankets and took a long nap.  I woke up feeling much less anxious, but still down.

At this point I have come down of of the anxiety but now I am feeling quite down, upset and weak. I hate feeling like this, and I hate that it is part of my life to have things like this happen to me.  It feels like I am constantly being tested, and I am so tired of being tested.  I just at this point hope that I pull out of the dumps and that it is not the start of any length of period in them. I know they say what dose not kill you only makes you stronger, but honestly right now I don't feel any stronger and if that was true I feel I should be able to bench press and auto dealership, but right now I don't even think I could do that to a leaf.

I hope that things get better but I just need to share this.
Until next time dear readers.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Update & My Weight Loss Success



So it has been a while since I have last posted, things have been very hectic on my side of the screen. I have been helping with some home improvement projects, I helped my dad and brother put a deck in our old wood shed, to put a new BBQ in to help keep it out of the rain.  Then we are in the middle of putting new decking and railings on the existing deck (we kept the old framing but did some beefing up) I have also been busy with friend.  I had someone that I went on a few dates with, who seemed like a great guy.  However that ended abruptly, as 3 days after our second date (a candle lit watching of a move at his house) I tried to set up a third date, and sometime in those 3 days he had entered into an exclusive relationship with some one else.  It was something that he had neglected to tell me until I tried to set up a up the third date, yet he was willing to talk to me via text every day up until then.  He gave me the line that I was a great guy and someone would be very lucky to get me, and that he wanted to be friends.  Being friends was not something that I was interested in as honestly I felt like I had been lead on, and that I was the second choice, the back up plan.  So I deleted him from my phone and have not contacted him since. (nor has he contacted me) Part of the reason that I was upset was due to the fact that I had become emotionally invested enough that I was ready to tell him that I was bipolar, which is not something that I do willy nilly, as not many people in my life know that about me, that and I did not want him to feel like I had lead him on when I finally did tell him and give him a chance to get out before things got to far. I know I was sort of more mad at myself for letting myself get that invested.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

The Moral Corruption Of The Religious Right


The hypocrisy never seems to stop with those that are on the religious right, with the latest example of Josh Dugger having to step down from his position at the hate group Family Research Council after it came out that he has molested several young girls, including some of his sisters.  All of which the Dugger family worked to cover up.  Yet they campaigned against gay marriage and trans rights Michelle Dugger going so far as to say trans people are a threat to children, She even had a crew member fired from the show back in 2008 for being gay "because he was a threat to her kids" souly because of his sexuality.  As if that is not bad enough Mick Huckabee has said that it is an attempt by the media to bring the family down and that the media and those that want them removed from TV (and punished for) over what they have done and been a party to are just wrong and mean spirited,  It is utterly mind blowing the hypocrisy

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Moving Is No Fun


So I have spent the last 2 days packing up everything in my room (the sized of a good sized studio apartment) as well as packing out all the stuff stored in a spare bedroom up stairs, to allow my brother and his Fiance to move into my room this coming long weekend.  It has been one heck of a battle as I had a lot of stuff to move or which 90% of all my stuff is going to wind up going into storage, including all my nick nacks which includes all the things (not many) that I got after my grandparents (on dads side) passed away years ago.  The only thing of theirs that is going to be able to make it into my new room is a piece of artwork. Which is something that has gotten me down at the moment. It did force me to sort through my stuff and get read of things that I did not need, (or want enough to bother packing and putting in storage)

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Long Time No See.


So I have been a bad blogger and fallen off the face of the earth for a while, in part just because of the holidays, but also because I just don't seem to manage my time well enough to allow myself to sit down and with myself, to just be and to collect my thoughts, let alone to sit down and write.   Which is something that I really want to start to work on, as I need to try and carve out time to do just that, instead of incessantly distracting myself from the time I get up until the time that I go to bed. I think that this is something that I want to try to focus on doing this year (I know that it is pretty late to be coming up with a New Years resolution, but when it comes to that thing who says you have to be on time)

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Is this car too gay?

So im thinking of buying a new car, which happens to be totally impractical, a Mini roadster convertible. 2 door 2 seat, huge trunk especially for a convertible.  But i wounder if it is too gay, dose it look cool or like something that should be driven in a pride parade with those inside wraped in rainbow flages and feather boas.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

The idiocy Of Male Entitlement

Recently I lost a friend on Facebook, not the most spectacular loss because when we did not agree it was always my fault and his boyfriend played the attempt to belittle me game, all over attempting to point out to him that one of his post was not only a blatant insult to the spuriousness of assault against women but also a blatant example of male entitlement.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

A Great Vacation

So after the hiccups at the start of my vacation, that I covered in my previous post, it all turned out to be tremendous fun! I got to get out and see lots of neat places, and to get to meet and spend time with familiarly members that I never really get to see or spend time with because they are clear on the other side of the country.  It all combined to be one amazing vacation and it has left me feeling totally renewed and refreshed.

I made a video sharing some of the photos from my vacation that I post so that all of you can see some of the things that I got to see and do!

I hope that you all enjoyed this post.


Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Joys of travel: Flight delays.

So I am on vacation, visiting my grandparents (and Mom's side of the family) for three weeks. In upstate New York.  Starting last Tuesday.  Well it did not start off that hot, on our way to Albany we had three flights, the first flight from my home town to Los Vagues left and arrived on time and went perfectly.   And we made it to the gate in Vagues for our departing flight with some time to spare.  

Unfortunately our flight from Vagues to Dulles Airport Washington DC was delayed by 25 minutes putting us behind the boarding time for are next flight to Albany.   So when we got off that flight we made a mad dash all the way across the airport getting held up for ten minutes by part of the transport from terminal to terminal.   So we got to our gate to find the plane had pulled back early. (The door/stairs had been closed early even though it was still sitting there loading luggage,  and they would not let us on! (Such freaking BS when they had been called and told about delayed connecting passengers)

Well it was the last flight out of the night, so we had to go to customers service the only nice people from that airline in that terminal. (The gate people did not care and even told us to not come back till morning)  so lucky they where able to get us the last 2 tickets on the first flight out (the last tickets for that day)

So now we where stuck in DC, hoping that the airline partnered with a good hotel, which they would only discount of of because it was a weather delay. (Again BS in my opinion) luckily we found a good one, The Westion which was only 10 minutes away.

Being almost midnight there was no place to eat was open, so we left for the hotel.  When we checked, we asked for a 4:00 AM waked call. We also found out their lounge was open for another 30 minutes, so we went right over to grab something to eat, since we had not eaten anything since breakfast that morning.  Making it midnight before we got to bed.

The next morning mom woke up at five o'clock causing us to make a mad dash to get ready and to make the hotel shuttle to the airport,  so that we could get through security and to our gate.  We got through security surprisingly fast.  We got almost all the way to our gate before we found a reader board to check on our flight. It was supposed to be gate like A1 but they changed it to gate D something all the way on the other side of the airport so we had to hoof it all the way there a very long trip. 

Nicely they did not change the gate once we where there.  The flight left on time, getting in about an hour latter.   We found our checked bags in the baggeg office.  Then we got our rental car that once we got where we where going noticed that it had obviously not been cleaned since the last person as it had mud inside it, food, some unknown stuff stained to the driver's seat, and stuff caked onto the shifter nob and surround. 

So needless to say it was a rough start our vacation.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Monday Book Review: It's Complicated, by L.A. Witt



Well this is a day late to be a Sunday book review, but when I was not busy doing things yesterday I was busy catching up on my missed sleep from the week before. So today I would like the review a book that I just finished several days ago, that book is It's Complicated by L.A. Witt, a part of the Tucker Springs series of books.

Brad and Jeff have a complicated on again off again relationship, that at the moment is off again in an attempt to make a fresh start of things.  Things are looking up this time around then out of the blue Jeff's ex wife announces that she is pregnant with no other then Jeff's child! On top of that she want to move her and the child out of Tucker Springs, to Denver.  Will Jeff fallow his ex wife and new child out of to Denver, and what dose that mean for Brad and Jeff's fragile relationship? Can their new start survive this turmoil or is this finally the end for them?

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